Pedal to the Metal!

S0 much is going on in my life lately, and I honestly don't know how to handle it all. I have school, a job, my boyfriend, family, and so called 'friends'. I'm learning a lot about people and how things change in a blink of an eye. I haven't been myself lately, and I feel as though I'm trying to see what another side is like, but it's not really working out for me at all. I have distanced myself from my One and Only TRUE best friend and Father, God. This blog is about me being honest and throwing it all out there because a computer screen is the only thing I feel like I can let it all out too.


I don't remember the last time I said a prayer. I have thought about praying, but I assumed that it wouldn't even matter because of where I am right now in my life. I don't remember the last time I looked in my Bible, or the last time it moved from my desk in my room. I have forgot my Bible both times that I have went home to visit. My devotional sits on my desk as well, collecting dust. I'm separated from God right now, and I don't even know how it started.


I've never been a follower, nor will I ever be one, especially of people who sin because it's the thing to do.  However, I have been sinning and it seems as though I have become a follower even though I'm not trying to impress anyone in particular.


I'm pretty emotional, which is not normal. I cry over stupid stuff even when I'm not suppose to be hormonal. School stresses me out! Two of my classes are really rigorous and I'm to the point of wanting to give up. I'm not failing, but I'm not where I want my grades in those two to be. My personal relationship that I have been in for the past 20 months is struggling, and I don't know what to do about it. It's definitely been an uphill battle since August. We're not agreeing on quite a few things and so with that we argue pretty much every weekend over the same thing. I'm becoming a "jealous" person, and I hate to admit that because I have NEVER been like that. I don't like when my boyfriend wants to go out without me, even though I should have enough trust in him to allow him to do what he wants. 


One of the girls that has been my best friend for 11 years and one that I didn't go a day without talking to, we rarely speak. I also hear a lot about certain things that I don't like to hear that she is doing. I just want our relationship back but it's never going to be the same.


...The list seriously goes on and on.


I NEED to get back to my "Happy Place" that I was in when I was in church and in my Bible on the daily. I need to get back to having fun, yet doing things that weren't crazy and "Un-Christian-Like". I'm not on drugs and I don't drink, but yet I feel so far away from God that it's scary. I believe, all these things that are going on in my life right now are His way of telling me to straighten up. When I need help He is the one I need to seek, not everyone else's opinion. He is the ONE person that will NEVER let me down. He has blessed me with so much and I have thanked Him for all of that in so long. For those of you reading this, I need some prayer. I want to get back to where I was and be different. I want my relationships (with God, my boyfriend, family, and friends) to go back to how they were and continue growing. I have learned a lesson, and it's time I stop being so blind and act out on it. I know what the problem is and I'm putting the "pedal to the metal" in getting things right again!

Just STUFF

I know it has been awhile since I have last posted, and I am very aware that I am not keeping my word as to blogging everyday.  It's just that life seems to get in, and I stay really busy.  These aren't excuses, just explanations.  However, since August 19th many things have been going on and my brain is going crazy!  First of all I got a job at Red Lobster, and I love it! I really cannot complain about it at all! Secondly, I started my Sophomore year of college, and that too is going well.  I love all my classes and my professors are great; especially my Stats and Biology prof.  Anywho, it hasn't been all fun and games though; I am working through a lot of things.

I haven't given into the "college girl lifestyle" that most people I know how given into, and I don't plan on it.  I still stay strong to my beliefs and do what I feel is right.  I love college and don't get me wrong, I love to have a good time, but "good times" don't always need to involve alcohol and chaos.  Matt and I are still doing really well, but I am trying to work through some things about us with myself.  I know I shouldn't keep certain things about our relationship just to myself, but it will come out when I feel the need to tell him.

The Devil has really been on me this past weekend (Labor Day) and throughout this week.  Granted, he's not on me about school, but he is on me about what I want in life, and he's messing with my feelings.  I had an amazing weekend in Okeechobee this past Labor Day weekend and he's definitely using that against me.  I know the simple thing to do is just pray about, but I feel like I can't talk to God about this right now because I know what His answer is going to be.  I haven't been in His word, I haven't continuously been in church like I should, and I sin every day like everyone else.  Even though these are things I know everyone struggles with, I'm just trying to work through them.

As you read and as I type I am working through my head what I am going to say to Him tonight, and what I want to be done about all the confusion I am currently going through.  Since I have graduated high school the people I cared about the most and had so much time and feelings invested in have just left.  God is showing me a lot about life and a lot about my discipline and what I can handle; I just don't know how to go about this one.

So, if you're reading this, send up a prayer for me tonight.  I love when people pray for me, and I don't take the "I'll pray for you" offensively.  I need prayer and I accept that! Our God is such a powerful God that I know He already knows what is going to happen, and that I just need to have faith in Him; but sometimes it just seems so hard, and the Devil doesn't make it any better!

New Beginnings!

It's no University of Alabama, or Tuscaloosa for that matter, but UCF in Orlando will have to do!  I can't believe I'm already starting my Sophomore year of college!! SO many things have changed in my life and I have met so many new people that are in my life to stay!  I just moved into my new apartment on the 19th and man I never knew something could be so much work! I am enjoying everything so far and hope it stays that way!


I start working tomorrow at Red Lobster, and I'm pretty excited about that! It's nice to know you have a secured job and will have some income of your own coming in. I'm the "grown up" life so it's time to start paying some rent and maybe some other things off as well!


God has been continually blessing me with some amazing things in my life and without Him I don't know what I would be doing right now.  Finances has become an issue and right when I start to stress out he grants me with more money than I would have ever expected! It's SO awesome how He works and how He makes sure that we know that He is always here!


I don't start classes until next Monday (29th), so I'm getting an extra week of summer, unlike all my roommates ;) BUTTT I do have to work/train so I don't know if that counts.  I am REALLY excited about this semester and I have really high goals for myself that I'm hoping I can achieve.  


I will start blogging probably every day again, so stay tuned.
Love you guys!
Roll Tide & GO KNIGHTS! ;)

My Bathroom :P

Desk Area

Dresser

Kitchen - more sunflower stuff to come!

Dining Area

Living Room - MORE safari to come!

**My apartment. I will post pics of my bedding later - it's not in yet! & of course I will have some pics of Pebbles and Bam Bam when they move in next weekend :D

He's Sovereign Still

This week I have been battling many feelings and not really talking about them much, because I feel as though I need to handle them with God.  Like many this week is a hard one to come by because of what we all know it reminds us of - the death of three amazing boys that will never be forgotten and one of their birthdays is today.  Not only that but I have been fighting the reasons of not going to Tallahassee this weekend and going.


I am growing in Christ, and I learn new things each and every day from many amazing and Christian people - there is NO doubt in my mind why I have them in my life.  He knows I have been planning on going to Tally for nearly a month now and it has been riding my mind about what He thinks about it.  All sorts of things came up this week about why I shouldn't go - my ride there suddenly wasn't able to go, Matt's Aunt is in the hospital fighting lung cancer, there is no girls going, etc.  SO many things were telling me that it's not meant for me to go; and then today happened...


When I woke up this morning I knew we weren't going to end up going, but I felt like I wanted to go; and the only reason why is because I would finally get to see my best friend Morgan from Alabama! I haven't seen her since December and I miss her so much, it's not even funny! Well, I'm going and I'm leaving tomorrow.


I feel as though I'm going to prove a point that I want to prove and I'm going to stick with Jesus on this one.  There is no doubt about it that I will be around alcohol and bad language, but I don't have to take part in it and I won't.  I'm going to see someone I love and someone that understands my morals of why I don't do certain things.  I feel as though this is going to be a test, and I'm not going to fail.  I don't give into temptation very easily, and this weekend will be no different.  I am going to have fun, but I'm going to have fun the way I feel I am supposed to be having fun and the way Jesus wants me to have fun.  


It's still weighing on my heart that I shouldn't even be around all this sinful nature, and I know that, but for whatever reason I'm being told to go.  The way to speak and teach lost people is to be around them for a little while.  I will only be there until Sunday, and I can do a lot in that many days.


I'm going to stay strong and "stick to my guns" and I really don't care what people think about it!

2 Years. . .

Two years ago, on this day, I was at Beach Retreat and trying to get my Saturday morning started with some fun in the sun and some JESUS.  That all came to end quite early when I heard that three really amazing people, one being my cousin, died in a car accident down in Keys.  I was in total shock along with all the other people I know with me.  Carson Williams, Devon Venables, & Josh "2" Creasman were all best friends and all died on the same day.  As I look back on it now, I was VERY sad and heartbroken at what had happened, and I started to think of the last thing I said to all three of them.  To be honest, I wasn't as close as many others were to them, but I still loved them and cared about them.


You know how they say good things usually come out of bad things?  Well, this was definitely true here!  With 200+ kids praying for their families in Panama City that weekend, amazing this were to come.  People were saved and people were asking God questions and looking for any type of answer possible!  When people's lives change for our maker, there is nothing greater than that!


These three boys have made the biggest impact on a community that I have ever seen in my life!  SO many people came to support the families of these three, and the families knew they had the support; and the support hasn't ended.


It's been two years and you would think they were still with us sometimes.  Carson, Devon, & 2 are always brought up in conversations and talked about everyday.  We all know that they are looking down on us and making sure we are all going to be safe.  They aren't the only three though.  God has fulfilled a reassurance and a peacefulness within us that allows us to make it through our everyday lives without them here.  He is the reason why we are okay.  He is the reason people have the hope of seeing their faces again.  He is the reason for a reason.  He is GOD.  


I cherish every moment I have with people, because you never know if that will be their last day.  Being young you tend to think you're invincible and that you will live until your 105, but that isn't always the case.  Everyone should know that there is something WAYYY better than this life.  Something you have to work for to receive, but it the ultimate gift.  Something that I will have one day, and that is to meet my Maker and walk through the gates of Heaven to live with Him eternally.


On this day and for the rest of the week and whenever you feel the need to, send up a prayer for the families of the boys.  Prayer does help, and without it we wouldn't be able to make it through these days.


**Boys, I miss you so much and my prayer is that you are comforting your families and letting them know that you may not visibly be here, but your here in spirit watching over us.  You guys are amazing people and I can't wait till the day when I get to see your smiling faces again; I miss those smiles.  I love you <333 

07.31.11

FIRST OFF:  It's SHARK WEEK!!! AHHH<3 That's one thing that made today gooooood.

SECONDLY:  I got to see my AMAZING and HANDSOME nephew, Levi, today!  Looking at him is seriously like looking at an angel from Heaven.  I could look at him ALL day!

THIRD:  The server manager from Red Lobster in Orlando called me back today, and said her GM would like to meet with me and talk some things over!  I am REALLY excited about this because I would love to go ahead and get a job before I get to Orlando, instead of stressing over finding one during school.  THIS GIRL HAS TO PAY SOME RENT! lol...God is truly blessing me, and I continue to pray that He puts me where He wants me to be.

FOURTH:  This one isn't so good, especially compared to the other three...unfortunately.  Starting last night, I feel as though God is truly testing my patience and how bad/serious I am about "sticking to my guns".  I had a not so good night, and today hasn't been much better.  My patience is pretty much shot, and I think God is trying to tell me some things.  

Last night my blog was about having faith in God no matter what.  His way is always the right way no matter what you think of the situation; and He's pushing that on me today.  I have had no patience, and while going through pretty much the whole afternoon in a bad and groggy mood, the back of my head is whispering to pray and ask God to help.  To be honest I have yet to do this, but we will be getting down to business shortly!  God knows I'm a stubborn person and He knows He nearly has to beat my head against the wall to get me to hear Him, but He doesn't mind.  I have faith, and I'm going to take all my anxieties to Him!

FIFTH:  I REALLY want to travel.  It's been on my mind today A LOT and I think it's because it's Shark Week and I keep seeing some of the places I want to go visit! I know, how ironic that people have been killed by Great Whites, but it's all good ;)  Here's the places in the States that I would LOVE to go to:

CALIFORNIA!-

All the sun, beach, and beauty seems to be here; along with a TON of celebrities! I would love to take a vacation here and see what it is truly like in Cali<3

COLORADO!-

Oh, Colorado!  My parents have been here, and actually are considering owning a home here someday!  They LOVED it, and I would love to experience it as well.  I want to learn how to snowboard, so I think this would be the PERFECT place to learn how!

NYC!-

NYC during Christmas time! OMG! I have seen pictures and I know many people who have went during the holiday season, and I am so jealous!

Those are just some of the places I would love to visit one day!  I have MANY more out of the country, but we will get to that another time ;)  I hope everything has a blessed evening, love y'all! <3

Faith!

Even if someone is not familiar with anything from the Bible they do know that people put their faith in God; or that's what they are supposed to do.  For whatever reason this is one of the hardest things for Christians to do, and God says throughout the Bible why this is so.

These days the world has MANY influences, too many to count actually.  To name a few: Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, Pregnancies, Homosexuality, etc.  Everyday someone is faced with at least one if not more than one of these.  I am no different, but I do know who I can go to for help and where I can find help. . .GOD.

Without Him I would be a lost cause, I'm not even kidding.  He has taught me so much and helped me through so many things in my life, that without Him I probably wouldn't have been able to make it through.  This strength and this whole knowing where I can find help stems from the faith that I have in God.  I'm not saying I don't question some things about what is going on with my life, but I HAVE to have faith that God knows what He's doing.

Hebrews Chapter 11 is the PERFECT chapter for learning what faith is all about and how God has helped so many people through faith.  Hebrews 1:1 says, "NOW FAITH is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see".  I can't think of a better definition on what faith is, and where did I find this? The BIBLE, this thing has EVERYTHING! ;)

Most will say that God only helps the "goody goods" and the people that "never do anything wrong", and I beg to differ.  First of all, it is VERY hard for someone to be a "goody good" all the time! That takes effort and FAITH.  Secondly, there isn't a person on this Earth that doesn't do anything wrong, and if there is they need a serious reality check and I'm sure God would love to give them one.  Christians aren't perfect people, and we aren't supposed to be.  However, we are supposed to STRIVE to be PERFECT and the only thing perfect is God.  So, we strive to be more and more like Him each and every day, and TRUST me we FAIL.  But that is where faith steps in.

Hebrews 11 tells you about SOME of the people God has helped through faith.  For example, Cain killed his brother Abel but even though he died, God STILL made considered him a righteous man and made sure that his righteousness lived on.  One of the BIG stories of faith is the story of the prostitute, Rahab, who by FAITH welcomed spies into her home who were from God, was saved and not killed like all the others who were disobedient in Jericho.  This right here shows that God just doesn't help out "goody goods".

I hope that you have faith in Him and that you understand that without Him, you wouldn't even be here today.  But not only this I hope you have so much faith in Him that you would want to give your life up to Him as He did for you and everyone on this planet.  This means excepting Him as your Lord and Savior and following what He asks you to do.  This also calls for you to follow in believers baptism so you can be SAVED.  God is coming back one of these days, and no one will ever know the day or the hour, not even the angels in Heaven know!  And when this happens, I hope you're ready because you will be judge, and He is the ULTIMATE judge and He will either welcome you into the gates of Heaven, or say "Away from me, I never knew you!"

HAVE FAITH.