Not So Happy.

In my life it seems that when everything is going pretty good, something decided to come along and ruin it.  I know it's the Devil and sometimes I even wonder if it's God giving me some strife because of some of my sin.  I have been trying SO hard to live the way He wants me to, but I'm not going to lie, it's SO hard.  Something happened yesterday that was a sin, and I cried because I have been doing so good! It was almost as if I took 1 step forward and 2 steps back :(  THEN TODAY!


UGH.  It started out pretty good, just trying to get some things done around the house before Dyllan leaves for Beach Retreat tomorrow. THEN a got a ball dropped on me.  It didn't necessarily happen to me, but it happened to someone that means everything to me; and I am pretty ANGRY.


This is how I currently feel:

• LIVID
• ANGRY
• PISSED (I don't consider this a "bad word" btw, lol)
• UPSET
• NOT UNDERSTANDING
• AND ALL THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS ABOVE

Being a college student like pretty much everyone I know, we go through plenty of stress.  College is very pricey and after your first year in college you of course want to live off campus in an apartment with your friends!  So, that's what I'm doing.  However, the stress of money is at a very high level and it makes me angry.  I'm angry because when we were in high school all the teachers used to say that there was no reason anyone shouldn't be able to go to college because of all the scholarships, financial aid, grants, etc.  However, what they didn't say is that it is nearly impossible to get any of those if your parents make a certain amount of income.  I'm NOT blaming them, but I do think it is absolutely ridiculous because I am one of those students.  My parents claim me so everything goes by their income.  Their income shows that they should be able to put me through everything in college (tuition, books, rent, meal plan, etc.) and that's not really the case.  

Pretty much all of my friends get financial aid from the state, and honestly they get so much that they're able to go and buy cars, boob jobs, etc.  IT'S NOT FAIR. I know, I know, life isn't fair but ripping the state off is ridiculous.  There are kids out there that need it more than some of the kids getting it.  I get Bright Futures, which I am thankful for because it does help A LOT, BUT some financial aid would help out.  I know there is really nothing I can do about this, and that's why I have a blog so I can vent.  

This is only a minor part of my anger though.  Some people are really ignorant and that just makes me want to slap them.  I know that's not the Christian way to act, so I try to bite my tongue and pray about it, but sometimes it all just comes out.  Some parents take their children for granted, and no I'm not talking about my parents.  I don't understand how you can allow one child to do and get everything he wants and then treat the other like a total piece of trash.  Unlike the other, he is trying to earn a doctorate and do something with his life! UGH, I could seriously keep going! 

HOWEVER. . .

There is a power and a man that is way higher and much more powerful than our state and everyone in it; GOD.  This is what I will be praying about because he is the only one that can do something about it.  He is the only one that truly understands how people are even when almost everyone puts on a show for different people.  So, ending this and if your are reading, I want you to pray for me and the person unnamed, we would REALLY appreciate it.

Thanks loves<3