S0 much is going on in my life lately, and I honestly don't know how to handle it all. I have school, a job, my boyfriend, family, and so called 'friends'. I'm learning a lot about people and how things change in a blink of an eye. I haven't been myself lately, and I feel as though I'm trying to see what another side is like, but it's not really working out for me at all. I have distanced myself from my One and Only TRUE best friend and Father, God. This blog is about me being honest and throwing it all out there because a computer screen is the only thing I feel like I can let it all out too.
I don't remember the last time I said a prayer. I have thought about praying, but I assumed that it wouldn't even matter because of where I am right now in my life. I don't remember the last time I looked in my Bible, or the last time it moved from my desk in my room. I have forgot my Bible both times that I have went home to visit. My devotional sits on my desk as well, collecting dust. I'm separated from God right now, and I don't even know how it started.
I've never been a follower, nor will I ever be one, especially of people who sin because it's the thing to do. However, I have been sinning and it seems as though I have become a follower even though I'm not trying to impress anyone in particular.
I'm pretty emotional, which is not normal. I cry over stupid stuff even when I'm not suppose to be hormonal. School stresses me out! Two of my classes are really rigorous and I'm to the point of wanting to give up. I'm not failing, but I'm not where I want my grades in those two to be. My personal relationship that I have been in for the past 20 months is struggling, and I don't know what to do about it. It's definitely been an uphill battle since August. We're not agreeing on quite a few things and so with that we argue pretty much every weekend over the same thing. I'm becoming a "jealous" person, and I hate to admit that because I have NEVER been like that. I don't like when my boyfriend wants to go out without me, even though I should have enough trust in him to allow him to do what he wants.
One of the girls that has been my best friend for 11 years and one that I didn't go a day without talking to, we rarely speak. I also hear a lot about certain things that I don't like to hear that she is doing. I just want our relationship back but it's never going to be the same.
...The list seriously goes on and on.
I NEED to get back to my "Happy Place" that I was in when I was in church and in my Bible on the daily. I need to get back to having fun, yet doing things that weren't crazy and "Un-Christian-Like". I'm not on drugs and I don't drink, but yet I feel so far away from God that it's scary. I believe, all these things that are going on in my life right now are His way of telling me to straighten up. When I need help He is the one I need to seek, not everyone else's opinion. He is the ONE person that will NEVER let me down. He has blessed me with so much and I have thanked Him for all of that in so long. For those of you reading this, I need some prayer. I want to get back to where I was and be different. I want my relationships (with God, my boyfriend, family, and friends) to go back to how they were and continue growing. I have learned a lesson, and it's time I stop being so blind and act out on it. I know what the problem is and I'm putting the "pedal to the metal" in getting things right again!
